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| One of the Gorges near Annecy that the River Fier passes through. |
The French word fier means proud/pride. It is also the name of one of the lovely rivers that starts in the Aravis Valley and weaves through a stunning series of gorges near Annecy to join the Rhône. Fier is very similar in sound and look to the English word, fear. I think the similarity is truly appropriate. Here are some reasons why.
Last year when we left Australia we didn't really know what we were in for or how long we would stay. Thank goodness we didn't know or the fear of what has been the reality may have put us off. We had committed to a year away in a small rural village in the Alps to experience, learn a new language and culture, meet new people and do something completely different for a while. I had the excuse of racing triathlon in Europe as a catalyst to leave and a coach that lived in the valley as the door to identifying this particular area. A year on I can say that it has been a soul challenging experience for all of us. Despite this, I am truly glad we had the courage to make the change, to risk what was a very happy, stable life for something possibly even better. It has required us to face many fears, some imagined, others very real.
By overcoming our fear, I am proud (fier) that we have not just survived this year, but individually and as a family we have changed, stronger in many ways, and more aware of our real weaknesses in others and how to manage despite them. I am incredibly proud of my husband who centres us in so many ways and who has spent the year ensuring we have arrived at the end of it with both the opportunity and desire to stay here longer. The focus of this blog however is really about my sons and my pride in them. If pride is a sin, consider me guilty as I am truly proud of how both my boys have overcome their fears, of the known and unknown obstacles they have faced through this year.
Some hard moments. Jackson's first day in the local Primary School, a nervous day in many kids lives, some known fears and plenty of unknown ones. In Jackson's case he had experienced some bullying in his few weeks at the end of the previous year in the Maternelle School and couldn't retort with words as he had very few of them. Most of the kids raced downstairs excited to catch up with their friends after the long holidays and generally aware of what was expected of them as almost all of them had been at the Maternelle School upstairs for their 3 previous years.
Jackson had a limited grasp of French and knew no-one in his class as he had jumped a year back to his age group. He was clearly terrified. No tears though. No complaints to Rob or I. He just put his head down, asked to go downstairs alone as the other kids didn't need their parents and off he went with his bag and lunch ticket following the others to try and work out where to put his things. I followed him at a distance, asked one of the teachers who spoke English to check that he knew what he needed to do and then watched from the corridor as he went into the playground full of over excited, noisy groups. After a few kids ran up and tried to chat to him without success he went and faced the wall in a quieter corner until the bell went so no-one could come and talk to him "discovering" he couldn't respond as they expected. I was devastated and powerless to help. He obviously just wanted to be swallowed up and disappear, and yet he had another 8 hours of school to go before he could go home. Although the routine became a known one, he had to face into this moment every morning for months before he actually had the language and social skills to play with his peers.
It has been hard work, but Jackson has persevered with courage and determination and for that I am truly proud. Some days have been really hard on him and on us in managing and supporting him as he struggled. Marbles provided the first opportunity for a breakthrough. Simple rules and less language needed. Then came the ski club and a few more friendships developed. Now he has the language to participate actively in verbal games like cops and robbers and he is getting more able by the day to fully integrate socially as well as academically in class. Most afternoons after school now, rather than wanting to retreat to the safe haven of home, he and Liam now wish to head out to play with our neighbors between or in one of our houses or go to the playground where some of his friends from school will be.
During the classroom hours he has also developed from a difficult child often getting in trouble (read unable to understand what is going on and therefore bored) in first term to a normally behaved kid who apart from French grammar is able to perform at a good level for his age across the curriculum. Next year he heads to CE2 with his classmates after successfully completing the requirements of CE1 this year, getting a solid report this term just like his mates for whom learning long division in their maternal language was challenge enough.
Liam has also had similar challenges. Although at 4, language is a little less fundamental to play and his enthusiasm to engage physically in any activity with other kids has helped him settle in socially. For him, talking in another language to adults has proved to be a greater fear. Despite being a total chatterbox in a relaxed home / English environment, conversing with adults in French, particularly teachers and authority figures has taken a long time. Although he has a lovely supportive teacher, school is far more structured and formal here than it is in Australia with 8 hours of classroom time here rather than the informal clappy, happy day care that he was used to 3 days a week at home. He has only started to find his voice with adults in the past month or so. In fact in holiday care / ski school he wouldn't talk to the adult carers, instead using Jackson to translate for him for the past few holidays. The recent holidays has seen a huge change as he heads to GrandBo a few days each week for activities in the centre and around the valley. He is loving rediscovering his chatty self with the two very caring ladies there, Anne and Beatrice. Last time they had him in GrandBo (10 months ago) he got so frustrated at not being able to communicate or play with the other kids he got kicked out for bad behavior at 4 years old! Needless to say they are also delighting in the change.
We have had our moments of fear too and have talked to the kids about them so they understand that we are all facing, and overcoming them in different ways as we work it out.
For me, heading off to swim squad with my club was terrifying at first. Besides being run in another language, I wasn’t exactly a seasoned swimmer used to squad practice even in Australia. I had no idea what to do and would watch underwater to see what the lead guys were doing then hope I could replicate it without embarrassing myself too much. I really like my team and am loving swimming at squad now. However I still take a deep breath before I head in.
Losing a coach and friend mid season last year was also challenging in many ways. Although I did get a new coach to advise me on my program, I really had to learn to take ownership of my training and racing and trust in my own judgment in a way I hadn’t needed too before. I have a great coach now who I can ask for advice as I need and trust in his judgement and experience, but I have far more faith in my ability to learn and understand what I should be focusing and how, than I had before. It may be scary being exposed without the support networks we had before, but it builds skills and resilience fast.
For Rob, some of the toughest moments have been selling (and buying) second hand cars. High penalty points if it goes wrong, difficult interactions and lots of specific language. We bought a camper van that lasted the Summer as we drove thousands of kms including plenty of nights spent in it heading to races across Europe. It was not great mechanically though or good on mountain roads so we then sold it before the winter storms arrived and bought a more reliable and drivable car. Searching / listing online, phoning the sellers or potential buyers and challenging conversations in carparks around the region provided plenty of really challenging moments for Rob that he handled by swallowing his fear, trusting his instincts and learning fast.
So a year on and we are here for a while longer. Our decision to stay was helped by the fact that we are all finding the number and size of fears we have to face reducing fast.
The River Fier starts with the rain and melted snows on the mountains above us, dropping fast as rapids, down the cascades and through narrow gorges, until finally it calms, grows and flows more steadily down to the Med. Equally I hope that for the boys (and for us), the rush of challenges and fears that they have had to face in this past year will now ease as the language and general comfort of a known routine and cultural fit steadies their journey through the months and years ahead.
Irrespective of what life brings us next, we can proud of the fact that we have faced many fears and learned to adapt, adopt or leave behind as necessary to appreciate the wonderful environment we now call home.
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