Getting a "D": Dreams and dealing with disappointment

My simple race report for Challenge Henley would be a D for “Disappointed”.

After a great lead up, I went to England earlier this month with high expectations of racing well at Challenge Henley, the new iron distance race in the lovely UK village famous for its annual rowing regatta on the Thames. However on race day I was not able to fire as I had hoped, as I froze in the cold water and air temperatures and was unable to raise my heart rate even after I warmed up (about 3 hours into the race!) to normal race levels. By the time I crossed the line, despite feeling like I had put 100% out there all day, I had failed to meet my goals. I finished up feeling that I let myself, my support crew, coach and long preparation down. So, after a week to consider, here are a few thoughts on life with stars in your eyes and the occasional mud in your face when you fail to catch them.

In life some people cut disappointment off in its infancy by never giving weight to their dreams. Others, as the saying goes seem to “aim for the stars and reach the moon”, accepting their dreams and turning them into tangible goals, striving unhesitatingly towards them and then measuring their achievements against them. However if the dream was to land on a brightly burning star, the cool of the moon can sometimes seem a dark, dismal place, however amazing it seems to others who remained on terra firma. 

My goals since I started triathlon seriously 2 years ago have seemed at times like wishing for the stars. The amazing thing is that I have actually reached a number of them and without too many disappointments en route, despite regularly raising my expectations. It seems hardly fair to expect to be racing professionally and wanting to finish in the top 5 women in a major international iron distance event at 41, with two young kids and two years in the sport. Call it arrogance or ignorance as you wish, but that was my objective this season. I actually still believe that it was possible given my preparedness, just unfulfilled. 



Still smiling at the best support crew any
girl could want. My parents were over from Oz
and my English family came and joined in. THANKS!

 That is the greatest frustration of Henley. I had consistently done the hard work with this race in mind all year; put in the hours, effort and focus, made the sacrifices, learned, and treated my body as an office I couldn’t step away from for a weekend. I didn’t mind this, as I enjoyed the challenge and it was all for a purpose, to help achieve a goal and to realise my dream of being a professional athlete, finding out what the best I could be actually was. So on race morning I was there, mentally and physically ready to race hard with all the lead up events and training times showing that my big goal was a stretch but realistically achievable at this race. I even had a wonderful support crew, much larger than my usual team of my husband and boys. My parents were over from Australia and my English relatives all converged on Henley to cheer me on too. Our lovely host family in Henley, who truly put the "family" into the hosting also provided amazing support, from dropping us off at 4:50am, cheering me on during the race and being wonderful after.

After hours of hard racing and a year of solid training, I ended up unable to leverage my full capacity on the day I think primarily because of a relatively uncontrollable factor, weather. From two races this season, Henley and Alpe D’Huez, I have learnt that my soft Australian body doesn’t handle cold well and responds to it as it would if I had a virus lurking, by shutting down my ability to exert myself at maximum pace. As my very English cousin would say, “Pants!”. 


Everyone has off days. Every race there are one or two strong competitors who surprisingly have a bad day against their potential. They may have an injury or illness lurking, still be fatigued from previous races/training blocks, have mechanical issues on the bike, get their nutrition or pacing wrong or just not be on expected form. In thinking about a race, you consider that the probability of others not performing as expected, but I had always expected consistency of performance to potential from myself. I always plan out my strategy so that I have the best chance of managing all the controllable factors, which include; race logistics, pacing, nutrition and mindset. This time I got a few factors wrong, namely choice of additional clothing in T1, but I’m not sure if that would have made enough of a difference anyway as I had lots of layers on and was still cold from inside my core after the swim for a very long time on the bike. Irrespective, the race is run now. I finished well behind my goal of top 5, but in what for many would be a good race outcome coming 11th woman despite feeling like I was limited to two cylinders all day in a four cylinder engine. Measured against my potential and expectations it gave me a bitter taste of disappointment to swallow. I was the outlier this time. 

I hope you never experience a large disappointment. Unfortunately, unless you are the next Chrissy Wellington and win every race you have ever entered (at Ironman distance anyway), if you set high goals for yourself and have the luxury of being able to chase them, then you may deal with feeling you have given yourself a “D” somewhere along the journey too. Here are a few thoughts I have had in thinking about my experience on the cool side of the moon.

1. Be honest with yourself: Neither pretend it didn’t disappoint you or let it broaden into a “failure” beyond actual size.
2. Put it in perspective: It is not global peace that you just fell short of achieving. Even if it is your job, it is sport and hopefully the affect of falling short of your goal will not be too dramatic to you or others once the disappointment dissipates.
3. Learn from it: Understand how much of the failure was due to events you could have controlled, what was bad luck and whether some was due to unrealistic goals. Learn all you can to be more successful next time.
4. Use it as fuel to light the afterburners next time: A bit of disappointment can provide the fire needed for achieving your next goal. Save a little for your next big race.
5. Limit the fall out: Don’t let it fade you for too long. Wallowing in a past failure steals energy that could be better spent looking forwards to finding and achiving a new goal. Take from it what you can and then cut the strings and move on.

A friend of mine, Bill Scanlan, has also recently written a great article about some disappointments after a pretty tough season racing professionally in France. Here is the link to the article.
http://www.billscanlan.net/?p=879 

Loving the journey. Who wouldn't out here?

It is not always easy chasing big dreams as Bill and I both have felt. However we are unlikely to ever reach them without a few failures, challenging hurdles or detours en route. Although goals are important in making dreams attainable, a single goal is not often the start or end of the experience. The journey in getting to it, or falling short, is where the majority of time and effort is spent. So this week I have enjoyed coming "home" to France, appreciating the life we have forged as a family here through hard work and over plenty of obstacles and remembering my love of being outside for its own sake; delighting in riding the cols, swimming in the lake and running mottled forest trails. Yes, I have a major race yet to come this season, and so another big goal to strive for soon, but at recovery pace this week, I just enjoyed the journey. That is a dream filled in itself. As for the “D” I gave myself at Henley, I’m busy turning that into a “D” for drive and determination!

Wishing you every success in your next goal, or at worst a disappointment that propels you even closer to achieving your dreams. Either way, enjoy your journey.

I've run a lot of miles over the years, some fast and some not so fast.
I've won some big races and I've had some big disappointments,
but I enjoy the freedom of running and the challenge of training and competition
as much now as when I first started back in high school.

Alberto Salazar (3 time New York Marathon winner and coach)